Love You Always
by BlueRoseRabbit
Summary: (2011 movieverse). Peter Guillam wants to at least give his (ex)boyfriend an explanation. Maybe he could even convince him to take him back, but he's not getting his hopes up. Written because watching Peter cry crushed my heart into a million pieces and I wanted to feel better.


_Because Peter's crying shattered my heart into a billion tiny pieces. This makes me feel a little better. I'm sure this has been done before, but oh well. I'll take a look after I post this._

_I'll be calling the boyfriend "Jonathan" because his name was never revealed._

* * *

Peter paced the room anxiously. He had wired Jonathan earlier and asked him to come to the flat. Jonathan had reluctantly (and coldly, Peter thought) agreed to come.

The night Peter had made the rough decision to end his relationship with Jonathan, he had offered Jonathan no explanation, only that it was "over". Jonathan had thought there was someone else. He had couldn't have been farther from the truth. Jonathan was the love of Peter's life, and Peter could not, would not live without him. He at least had to apologize and give Jonathan bits of the truth. It was the least he could do.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in, it's unlocked." Peter said in a wavery voice.

The door opened and Peter heard Jonathan's familiar footsteps.

"I'm in the drawing room. Do you want a cup of tea?" Peter busied with making tea to occupy his shaking hands.

"Two sugars." Jonathan said. Peter was sure he'd never heard worse words. Not the words themselves ("Two sugars"- ha!), but the manner in which they were spoken. His voice was vacant of all emotion.

_I know, _thought Peter. _I know how much sugar you take in your tea. I know your fears, your hopes, your irritants. _But he said nothing as Jonathan sat down in an armchair and Peter put the tea on a tray on the coffee table.

Jonathan took a sip of tea. "So what's this all about, then? Did I forget something here? Want to blackmail me into something because of your knowledge that I like men? 'Cause that's a two-way street, Peter-"

"_Never_." Peter said in a choked voice. "I would never want to- _blackmail_ you-"

"Then what? What do you want?"

A pause. Peter sat down and steadied his voice. "To explain. I never offered you an explanation. You'd either be killed or wouldn't believe me, and I could not risk the previous option. There's a chance that both could've occurred, and I would not have that either."

"Be killed?" Jonathan sounded skeptical.

"Yes, the men watching me could've realized that you'd known a bit of what was going on and-"

"_Watching_ you? Who was watching you?"

Another pause. "I can't say. But they're either dead or out of power now, so it doesn't matter."

"Oh, is this about your job you're not allowed to talk to me about? Really, Peter, come on, I thought you'd make up something better than that. I'm not stupid!" Jonathan was angry now. No, no, no, this wasn't how the conversation was supposed to happen!

"I just wanted you to know that I didn't ask you to leave because I didn't love you!" Peter interrupted loudly. His voice was rough from holding back tears. "I've always loved you. There was no one else. It was for our safety, yours _and_ mine. If the people watching me knew about us, it could've been used as blackmail."

Jonathan looked like he was starting to believe it. "Can't you tell me anything, then? About why they were watching you, and who?"

"No. I can tell you that it was government business and nothing else. I just wanted you to know. I didn't want you to live the rest of your life thinking I don't love you, because that's a lie." Peter stood up suddenly and turned away. He abruptly changed the subject. "How have you been? You know, since you left?"

Jonathan blinked at the sudden change. "I live on my own now. Can't find a flat mate. Money's getting tighter, but my teaching job's paying alright."

"You've been drinking." It wasn't a question. That would be the only reason funds were tight; Jonathan hadn't been able to resist going back to the bottle. Jonathan had quit his addiction to alcohol after years of living with Peter. Peter had been trying to stop smoking now, that was his end of their bargain made so many years ago. Peter would stop smoking if Jonathan would quit drinking.

"You've been smoking," Jonathan retorted.

"Wasn't a point in stopping if the one I was quitting for wasn't-" Peter broke off, having made a connection. "It was my fault. You going back to drinking was my fault." Peter sat back down again and put his head in his hands. "I am so sorry Jonathan."

Jonathan knew now that Peter was telling the truth. About loving him and never having stopped loving him, at least. He reached out and gently pried Peter's hands from his face and clasped them in his own. Peter stared at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Always."

.

And so it was that Peter entered work with a smile on his face the next morning, and many mornings after that.


End file.
